Calvin Trillin Quotes

 "Many Texas barbecue fanatics have a strong belief in the beneficial properties of accumulated grease." ~ Calvin Trillin

 "The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found." ~ Calvin Trillin

 "As far as I'm concerned, 'whom' is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler." ~ Calvin Trillin

 "Every good idea sooner or later degenerates into hard work." ~ Calvin Trillin

 "Math was always my bad subject. I couldn't convince my teachers that many of my answers were meant ironically." ~ Calvin Trillin

 "Did you know that five out of three people have trouble with fractions." ~ Calvin Trillin

 "Marriage is not merely sharing the fettucini, but sharing the burden of finding the fettucini restaurant in the first place." ~ Calvin Trillin

 "There is a theory that sooner or later anything in America that is any fun at all will be ruined by people from California." ~ Calvin Trillin

 "I like chili, but not enough to discuss it with someone from Texas." ~ Calvin Trillin

 "I've always thought that parallel parking was my main talent." ~ Calvin Trillin

 "I never eat in a restaurant that's over a hundred feet off the ground and won't stand still." ~ Calvin Trillin

 "Health food makes me sick." ~ Calvin Trillin

 "At American weddings, the quality of the food is in inverse proportion to the social position of the bride and groom." ~ Calvin Trillin

 "The margin of error in astrology is plus or minus one hundred percent." ~ Calvin Trillin

 "The way I read Billy Carter's testimony, he was a model citizen himself until the voters went and ruined his life by making his brother President." ~ Calvin Trillin

 "The Banh Mi sandwich is really the only good argument for colonialism." ~ Calvin Trillin

 "I don't care where I sit, as long as I get fed." ~ Calvin Trillin

 "Following the Romanian tradition, garlic is used in excess to keep the vampires away." ~ Calvin Trillin

 "Avoid restaurants with names that are improbable descriptions, such as the Purple Goose, the Blue Kangaroo or the Quilted Orangutan." ~ Calvin Trillin

 "I actually think of being funny as an odd turn of mind, like a mild disability, some weird way of looking at the world that you can't get rid of." ~ Calvin Trillin

 "Anybody caught selling macrame in public should be dyed a natural color and hung out to dry." ~ Calvin Trillin

 "A new regulation for the publishing industry: "The advance for a book must be larger than the check for the lunch at which it was discussed." ~ Calvin Trillin

 "Canadians are very well behaved, they don't throw their food." ~ Calvin Trillin

 "Being on a book tour is a lot easier than reporting." ~ Calvin Trillin

 "With humor, it’s so subjective that trying to think of what the ideal reader would think would drive you crazy." ~ Calvin Trillin

 "The food in such places is so tasteless because the members associate spices and garlic with just the sort of people they're trying to keep out." ~ Calvin Trillin

 "It happens to be a matter of record that I was first in print with the discovery that the tastelessness of the food offered in American clubs varies in direct proportion to the exclusiveness of the club." ~ Calvin Trillin

 "Since nostaglia is fueled by inflation, could it be that inflation is the result of a conspiracy by the people who are trying to palm off McGovern buttons and Howdy Doody puppets and their Aunt Thelma's toaster as antiques." ~ Calvin Trillin

 "I'm more disturbed when people expect me to be serious." ~ Calvin Trillin

 "Anybody who doesn't think that the best hamburger place in teh world is in his home town is a sissy." ~ Calvin Trillin

 "When it comes to rapacious 19th century capitalism, my family's hands are clean." ~ Calvin Trillin

 "I've written three books you could think of as memoirs." ~ Calvin Trillin

 "I don't think I've ever read a food piece or a food book." ~ Calvin Trillin

 "I don't cook. I don't know anything about food. I've never reviewed a restaurant." ~ Calvin Trillin